How do you even begin to grieve for the time you lost to depression?
Nobody ever talks about this when they talk about recovery. But like… I was reading something that brought up the part in the new Captain America movie (because naturally all of my emotional revelations come from fandom) where Sam asks Steve, “What makes you happy?” and Steve replies, “I don’t know.” And how that’s a textbook depression response.
And I thought about that question and realized I can answer it, immediately, with multiple things. Then I thought about how until very recently, I would have had the same response as Steve. And then I sort of broke down.
I’ve thought a lot recently about finally being out of depression. About how for the first time in years, my concern is preventing relapse rather than trying to pull myself up. I almost started skipping down the sidewalk the other day because I realized I felt happy, and god, I could not remember the last time I felt like that, and it felt amazing, and how could I have lived for so long without feeling that? How could I have gone so long questioning if it was even possible?
How do you deal with that kind of pain and loss?
oh god I have so many feels about this
and I feel like Captain America might be a really helpful train of thought to explore on this topic, now that you mention it
how do you begin to grieve the years you lost to being frozen in ice
what’s in your notebook of things you missed that you’re trying to catch up on?